My challenge with Halloween, after…well, candy… is managing the unrealistic and failed expectations of the Halloween costume. I’m scarred from a childhood experience where I dressed as a strawberry but was called a tomato. And then again the time I did NOT dress up and everyone was like “Oh I know! You’re Kirk Cameron!” I blame the white pants and permed mullet.
Real picture of me not being Kirk Cameron:
Nonetheless, I love seeing everyone’s costumes. People are so fun and creative.
Also, I secretly like making unfair assumptions about people based on their costumes:
RBJ: I’ll bet she’s read the constitution, for fun.
The penis costume: He orders his amaretto sours ‘extra strong’ and butchers the punchline of jokes.
Sexy Snow White: She definitely shows up drunk to kid parties.
Anyway. I don’t know what the following costumes say other than “dad joke” or “enough with the puns,” but I’d love to see any one of these costume ideas well-executed:
10. Sonny & Chair
Not sure where to how you’d make that chair costume but it’s so worth a try. Also, the chair picture reminds me of this time my younger sister got folded up and stuck inside a fold-away sofa.
9. Winnie The Poo Poo
Because Winnie is timeless and poop jokes never get old.
8. Tim Duncan Doughnut
I wish I had small children or a malleable boyfriend I could force or bribe into dressing up how I want them to.
Keeping a straight face when upper management demands you deliver unrealistic concepts against unrealistic timelines with no budget and no additional resources has never been easier!
6. Carrie Fisherman
Strangely enough, it is quite difficult to find a non sexually-charged fisherman costume. Acceptable variation: Dan Rather Be Fishing.
5. Kim Kardashi-hen
So many possibilities here but does Kim K really need/deserve the attention of my three followers?! Just kidding. I don’t have three followers.
4. Boy George W
If anything was made to go together it’s a fashion-forward, British 80s boy band member, and a Texas guy who once choked on a pretzel.
3. Taylor Swiffer
My google search for “Swiffer costume” led me to this blog and an awesomely creative DIY Swiffer guise (check the blog because his partner went AS MUD!). The Internet is the best.
Also, does Taylor Swift know that this is the first thing that comes up with you Google-Shop-Image “Taylor Swift Wig Costume”?
2. Sponge Bob Ross
Acceptable deviations: Spongebob Marley and Spongebob Barker.
1. KellyAnne Conway Twitty
Yes. Please. Someone. Anyone. Do it.
Happy Halloween and don’t forget — Scooby Doo and Minnie aren’t meant to be sexy, tricks are for kids and people who pass out fruit and raisins, and be sure to donate your Halloween haul to a good cause!